I was in my new apartment somewhere, and Genesee was with me. She was acting all weird, not talking to me and stuff, so I grabbed her cell phone and called the place where she took karate classes. Her instructor answered... he sounded like an old man, and accused me of playing games when I asked him if Genesee was there. I told him that she had lost her phone and I was just calling looking for her, and then he hung up on me.
Just as I hung up there was a knock on my door. It was the people that lived in the unit connected to mine, and they had come over to complain about Genesee's dog pooping on their grass. There were like 3 or 4 white-trash redneck type guys, all tattooed and pissed off. Without me knowing, they had tagged my house with all kinds of graffiti. They were yelling at Genesee, saying that they were gonna "get us" and we better watch our backs and stuff.
One guy had a black can of spraypaint in his hand still and started spraying more things on my apartment. I went over to him and knocked the can out of his hands, only to have him pick it up again and start spraying me with it. As soon as he started doing this I reached into my pocket, grabbed a pair of scissors, and stabbed him in the leg and twisted.
He fell to the ground screaming, Genesee ran away, and I went back into the house. Jim and Adam were now in there as well, hanging out upstairs. I told them what happened, and we went around to the house locking all the doors and windows, to make sure that the neighbors wouldn't be able to get it.
Some of Adam's friends pulled up in a blue car with those wing-type doors, so he went outside to go somewhere with them. I ran upstairs because I knew the neighbors would get in the house when Adam left, so I climbed out on the balcony attached to the computer room. There was a big white PVC type pipe going from the roof down to the ground, and I grabbed hold of it. I just wanted to hide outside until the neighbors left, but instead the pipe broke free and bent over all the way to the ground, where I let go and gently fell to the ground.
Adam and his friends were already on their way out of the complex, so I ran after them and jumped onto the side of the car and asked them to at least drive me as far as the corner so I could get away. They did, and when I hopped off at the corner of this busy intersection, I ran into Gwen Stefani, her twin sister, and one of the Olsen twins.
Gwen was kind of smirking as she walked and bobbed her head, because she could hear one of her songs playing in the background. I asked her what it was like to hear your own stuff on the radio, if she had gotten over the thrill yet, and her twin (not identical) sister answered that it was still neat. At this point the Olsen butted in about her career. Spewing something about how hard it is being an actor, and how it is hard for her to look into the camera and laugh. I asked her if she was going to do another album, and she said that it was too difficult and that it just wasn't her.
Right about then my cousin Jim showed up, pulling a pallet jack with John Cleese on it. They were at the top of a big hill on a very crowded street, but I figured I'd join them for my escape. I got on the back of the skid jack with John and we headed down the hill, trying to steer around the oncoming traffic, avoiding the potholes, and trying to turn the corners without falling off or skidding out of control.
As we made it to the bottom of the hill safely, we crashed into a parking lot of an abandoned gas station and laughed. Strangely, I was now back at the door to my apartment and it looked normal, nobody was around... it started raining so I ran inside. Kitty was upstairs in the computer room looking at the window, because the rain was coming down so hard it was coming through the window and getting all over my computer stuff. I shut that window and then went around to the rest of them, closing them to keep out the rain.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Random Weirdness
I was riding with Aunt Carol along some road in Columbus, but we were in a big passenger jet rather than a car. She was trying to find the airport so we could take off and fly somewhere, but she was having trouble navigating the streets due to the width of the plane.
I suggested that she go out to 270 and then down Hamilton in order to get to the airport, but she said there would be a problem with getting the wings underneath one of the overpasses before that intersection. She tried anyway, and as we turned onto Hamilton the right wing of the plane crushed against one of the light poles, bending backwards and then springing back into place after we made the turn.
We pulled up to the airport and stopped the plane, and when I got out I was mumbling "I'm not gonna fly in this plane... I'm not gonna fly in this plane..." because I had seen the damage that the wing had took, even though it went back into place and looked undamaged.
We got out of the plane and met a bunch of family in a large waiting area. Somehow I folded up the wings of the plane and compressed them into the body and then zipped up some covers that went over the area where the wings retracted. I remarked to someone there about what happened, but after that we never got back on the plane or even acted like we were going to fly anywhere.
In the waiting area, all of the family was milling around and talking to each other. Gary was there, cracking dumb jokes and stuff - which was odd, since Gary died a few weeks ago. I was surprised to see him, but everyone else was acting as if it was completely normal that he was there. Mom was off to the side of the area playing with Anna... they had a view-master picture reel viewer thing, and mom was trying to take pictures of people with it. A flash would go off from the front of the thing, but I explained to her that it wasn't a camera and that none of her pictures were going to turn out.
I suggested that she go out to 270 and then down Hamilton in order to get to the airport, but she said there would be a problem with getting the wings underneath one of the overpasses before that intersection. She tried anyway, and as we turned onto Hamilton the right wing of the plane crushed against one of the light poles, bending backwards and then springing back into place after we made the turn.
We pulled up to the airport and stopped the plane, and when I got out I was mumbling "I'm not gonna fly in this plane... I'm not gonna fly in this plane..." because I had seen the damage that the wing had took, even though it went back into place and looked undamaged.
We got out of the plane and met a bunch of family in a large waiting area. Somehow I folded up the wings of the plane and compressed them into the body and then zipped up some covers that went over the area where the wings retracted. I remarked to someone there about what happened, but after that we never got back on the plane or even acted like we were going to fly anywhere.
In the waiting area, all of the family was milling around and talking to each other. Gary was there, cracking dumb jokes and stuff - which was odd, since Gary died a few weeks ago. I was surprised to see him, but everyone else was acting as if it was completely normal that he was there. Mom was off to the side of the area playing with Anna... they had a view-master picture reel viewer thing, and mom was trying to take pictures of people with it. A flash would go off from the front of the thing, but I explained to her that it wasn't a camera and that none of her pictures were going to turn out.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Balcony Collapse
I was on vacation someone with a couple of people I know, JJNova and Kamino. We were staying in some cheap ass hotel that was arranged kind of like a square, and it was about five or six stories tall. On the inside of the hotel was an open area where there were trees, a small pond, etc... giving that "outside" feeling.
In our room on the fourth floor we were unpacking our stuff, apparently getting ready for some sort of convention we were attending. Kamino was sitting by the window with his feet propped up on the heater, drinking some Woodchuck. JJNova kept wandering around the room like he didn't know where he was or what he was doing, until JJNova turned on his shitty little radio that he had with him. It was playing Morning Train by Sheena Easton.
I laughed at his radio, and told him to wait a minute until I grabbed by good boombox and tuned it to the same station. Once Sheena was playing louder and with better quality, JJNova perked up and started dancing around the room.
This was getting weird for me, so I grabbed a can of beer and headed out on the balcony where I had my camcorder set up as a webcam, watching all the people in the open area below. As soon as I went out there, the balcony began to shake and move, and my camcorder fell over the side.
Luckily the cable that connected it to my computer was strong enough that even though the camera fell over, it didn't hit the ground - instead just hanging a few floors down by the cable. Some woman in a balcony in the floor above ours looked down at me and at what was going on, and remarked "You better get off there, that balcony ain't safe!"
I looked over the balcony for another few seconds and agreed with her. It seems that our balcony was the only one made of planks of wood and rope to hold it up. The wood had become rotten and the ropes were just barely holding on.
In our room on the fourth floor we were unpacking our stuff, apparently getting ready for some sort of convention we were attending. Kamino was sitting by the window with his feet propped up on the heater, drinking some Woodchuck. JJNova kept wandering around the room like he didn't know where he was or what he was doing, until JJNova turned on his shitty little radio that he had with him. It was playing Morning Train by Sheena Easton.
I laughed at his radio, and told him to wait a minute until I grabbed by good boombox and tuned it to the same station. Once Sheena was playing louder and with better quality, JJNova perked up and started dancing around the room.
This was getting weird for me, so I grabbed a can of beer and headed out on the balcony where I had my camcorder set up as a webcam, watching all the people in the open area below. As soon as I went out there, the balcony began to shake and move, and my camcorder fell over the side.
Luckily the cable that connected it to my computer was strong enough that even though the camera fell over, it didn't hit the ground - instead just hanging a few floors down by the cable. Some woman in a balcony in the floor above ours looked down at me and at what was going on, and remarked "You better get off there, that balcony ain't safe!"
I looked over the balcony for another few seconds and agreed with her. It seems that our balcony was the only one made of planks of wood and rope to hold it up. The wood had become rotten and the ropes were just barely holding on.
Worm Trees and Underground Church
I was riding in a boat, along some small creek, when we came upon a place where people were trying to "get us." I hopped out of the boat and made my way to the edge of the creek, and began to head towards this area thick with trees. I was going to grab a vine and swing across the creek to the other side, but as I reached for it I saw a big worm hanging from it.
I jumped back a bit, startled by the big worm, and just then all of the trees began raining worms down on the ground in front of me. My passage was blocked, so I had to find another way to escape. I crawled through a few more trees and came to a small road marked I-71. There was a larger overpass above the road, but I waited until I didn't see any cars and I ran across the road and under the bridge from the road above.
As I was about halfway through, I noticed a tunnel leading off from underneath the overpass. I turned on my flashlight and started walking back into this dark tunnel. After a minute or two I started passing people that were going back towards where I came from. They didn't seem concerned or in a hurry, so I continued...
I finally made it to the end of this tunnel, which ended up being inside of an abandoned house, which was completely buried underground. There were other folks walking around inside with flashlights, looking at things, almost as if it was a museum or something. Someone remarked that there was no way to know that the house was there if you were above ground, so I tried to turn on my cell phone to get the GPS coordinates, but it didn't work.
The first rooms were narrow, with old bottles displayed on shelves in the corners of the hallways. Nothing was being vandalized, and besides everything being dark and dusty, the things were in good shape. I found a closet that people hadn't noticed, so I looked inside. Towards the back of the closet there was a small hatch in the ceiling that led to an area where nobody seemed to have been.
A little kid was following me around, but when I went up into this "attic" type area, I told the kid to go back and find his mom - and I shut the hatch on him and covered it with items from inside this new room, so nobody else would come up.
Looking around, I started finding Christmas presents. Apparently they were hidden there from years before, but forgotten about. One of them was addressed to my grandma, but by her first name. I was starting to feel like it might actually be an old church that we were exploring.
That's it. :-/
I jumped back a bit, startled by the big worm, and just then all of the trees began raining worms down on the ground in front of me. My passage was blocked, so I had to find another way to escape. I crawled through a few more trees and came to a small road marked I-71. There was a larger overpass above the road, but I waited until I didn't see any cars and I ran across the road and under the bridge from the road above.
As I was about halfway through, I noticed a tunnel leading off from underneath the overpass. I turned on my flashlight and started walking back into this dark tunnel. After a minute or two I started passing people that were going back towards where I came from. They didn't seem concerned or in a hurry, so I continued...
I finally made it to the end of this tunnel, which ended up being inside of an abandoned house, which was completely buried underground. There were other folks walking around inside with flashlights, looking at things, almost as if it was a museum or something. Someone remarked that there was no way to know that the house was there if you were above ground, so I tried to turn on my cell phone to get the GPS coordinates, but it didn't work.
The first rooms were narrow, with old bottles displayed on shelves in the corners of the hallways. Nothing was being vandalized, and besides everything being dark and dusty, the things were in good shape. I found a closet that people hadn't noticed, so I looked inside. Towards the back of the closet there was a small hatch in the ceiling that led to an area where nobody seemed to have been.
A little kid was following me around, but when I went up into this "attic" type area, I told the kid to go back and find his mom - and I shut the hatch on him and covered it with items from inside this new room, so nobody else would come up.
Looking around, I started finding Christmas presents. Apparently they were hidden there from years before, but forgotten about. One of them was addressed to my grandma, but by her first name. I was starting to feel like it might actually be an old church that we were exploring.
That's it. :-/
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Weird Randomness
It started out as a sunny day, and I was inside this big stadium... similar to the OSU football stadium. It was empty, except for a church group who was having their service on the field because their church had been destroyed by a tornado.
Instead of seats, the stadium was now filled with newly growing trees. Each seat had a small tree in its place, and they were growing at a pace where you could actually see them move. I made my way to the highest deck in the stadium and reached a level where I could step out onto solid ground.
As I began to walk, George W Bush was suddenly jogging along beside of me. We were following a path that went through a lot of thick trees. We were making good time, then we came upon a place where the dirt trail had a pit in it, and we had to jump across to a wooden bridge on the other side.
We both jumped and made it, but just barely. The pit was only a few feet across, but it was probably 30 or 40 feet deep. George was pissed that his men let him take a trail that would have such danger in it, and he began yelling at people.
Instead of seats, the stadium was now filled with newly growing trees. Each seat had a small tree in its place, and they were growing at a pace where you could actually see them move. I made my way to the highest deck in the stadium and reached a level where I could step out onto solid ground.
As I began to walk, George W Bush was suddenly jogging along beside of me. We were following a path that went through a lot of thick trees. We were making good time, then we came upon a place where the dirt trail had a pit in it, and we had to jump across to a wooden bridge on the other side.
We both jumped and made it, but just barely. The pit was only a few feet across, but it was probably 30 or 40 feet deep. George was pissed that his men let him take a trail that would have such danger in it, and he began yelling at people.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Gambling Again
I was gambling in a casino somewhere, although the surroundings didn't seem familiar to me. I had just won a jackpot on a quarter slot machine, and the bells and whistles were going off as my credits tallied up on the machine. At first I thought I won $100, but the number of credits kept going past 400. A woman next to me pointed out that I hit a triple score, which meant that I was actually getting $300.
The tally finally stopped adding up at $500.25. I hit the button to cash out, and it printed out a ticket for my winnings along with lots of other papers. I remarked to the attendant nearby that it was weird to have so many papers to fill out for a jackpot as little as $500.
As I was walking away from my machine I ran into Jenny Eveland, a girlfriend of mine from a long time ago. She grabbed my hand and lead me towards the indoor pool area where some of our friends were waiting. Bob Parsley was in there, getting ready to play some football in the pool. Some kids started splashing all of us, so I left and went to the bathroom area.
I went into the men's bathroom and saw two girls there waiting to use the restrooms with the closing doors. At first I thought I had gone in the wrong restroom, but I looked at the door and saw the "MEN" sign... they had just come into the men's side because there was a line in the women's restroom.
The tally finally stopped adding up at $500.25. I hit the button to cash out, and it printed out a ticket for my winnings along with lots of other papers. I remarked to the attendant nearby that it was weird to have so many papers to fill out for a jackpot as little as $500.
As I was walking away from my machine I ran into Jenny Eveland, a girlfriend of mine from a long time ago. She grabbed my hand and lead me towards the indoor pool area where some of our friends were waiting. Bob Parsley was in there, getting ready to play some football in the pool. Some kids started splashing all of us, so I left and went to the bathroom area.
I went into the men's bathroom and saw two girls there waiting to use the restrooms with the closing doors. At first I thought I had gone in the wrong restroom, but I looked at the door and saw the "MEN" sign... they had just come into the men's side because there was a line in the women's restroom.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Lots of Bills
I was in Atlantic City with my mom and my cousin Mongo, gambling on the boardwalk in the daytime. We were in front of the convention center, and there were slot machines set up in a truck trailer, almost like how you'd see carnival games at a local fair.
I was playing some sort of mechanical / video slot machine that showed winnings in some type of foreign currency, even though I was playing with regular quarters. The slot didn't make any noise, but when I'd hit a winning combination it would display lots of numbers on two vertical red LED displays above the reels. The numbers would say 2000, 2450, 3000, etc... but once the totals were figured, a display at the top of the machine would show that I actually won like $11.25 or whatever.
I brought mom over to show her how the machine pays off as I was hitting a winning combination, and she started pressing buttons on my machine. This stopped my payoff, and instead switched the machine over to a joystick controlled bonus game. At first I was upset, thinking she completely canceled my payout - but I soon figured out how to play the bonus to add to my winnings.
I played the videogame bonus stage, which involved controlling a little cartoon dog on a beach - making him jump up in the air to eat floating flowers, each of which added a few more coins to the bonus payout. When I got done with that game, the game paid out in dollar bills. I ended up getting a stack of about 50 of them, and decided to quit while I was ahead. Everyone around me was cheering about my amazing winnings... heh...
I started off down the boardwalk to look through some of the shops, with Mongo running behind me... but it sorta wasn't him. He was shorter than me, younger than me, and kinda looked like a kid I went to elementary school with way back in the day.
I was playing some sort of mechanical / video slot machine that showed winnings in some type of foreign currency, even though I was playing with regular quarters. The slot didn't make any noise, but when I'd hit a winning combination it would display lots of numbers on two vertical red LED displays above the reels. The numbers would say 2000, 2450, 3000, etc... but once the totals were figured, a display at the top of the machine would show that I actually won like $11.25 or whatever.
I brought mom over to show her how the machine pays off as I was hitting a winning combination, and she started pressing buttons on my machine. This stopped my payoff, and instead switched the machine over to a joystick controlled bonus game. At first I was upset, thinking she completely canceled my payout - but I soon figured out how to play the bonus to add to my winnings.
I played the videogame bonus stage, which involved controlling a little cartoon dog on a beach - making him jump up in the air to eat floating flowers, each of which added a few more coins to the bonus payout. When I got done with that game, the game paid out in dollar bills. I ended up getting a stack of about 50 of them, and decided to quit while I was ahead. Everyone around me was cheering about my amazing winnings... heh...
I started off down the boardwalk to look through some of the shops, with Mongo running behind me... but it sorta wasn't him. He was shorter than me, younger than me, and kinda looked like a kid I went to elementary school with way back in the day.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Ravioli Arm
My cousin Shannon and I were hiding in the bushes along the road in front of her house. It was either very early morning, or almost night... either way, we were apparently trying to sneak down to our grandparents house which was two houses away.
We stayed low to the road, trying to stay covered by all the weeds and bushes along the side... but then the plants started grabbing at us, and some of them actually started burrowing into the skin of my left arm. We worked ourselves free and went up into the regular grass, but something had already started happening where the plants had gotten me.
My arm was all mushy and weird, and there was a square patch of skin that was nearly cut off. I told her not to worry about it, because I could just stitch it back in place and it would be okay. No sooner did I say that, and the square patch of skin sunk down into my arm leaving a gaping hole.
I thought I would start bleeding, but instead I could see ravioli filling the inside of my arm. It was moving around as if it was alive, but it turned my whole arm limp and mushy. I tried to grab the piece of skin before it disappeared into the ravioli, but I didn't get it.
We stayed low to the road, trying to stay covered by all the weeds and bushes along the side... but then the plants started grabbing at us, and some of them actually started burrowing into the skin of my left arm. We worked ourselves free and went up into the regular grass, but something had already started happening where the plants had gotten me.
My arm was all mushy and weird, and there was a square patch of skin that was nearly cut off. I told her not to worry about it, because I could just stitch it back in place and it would be okay. No sooner did I say that, and the square patch of skin sunk down into my arm leaving a gaping hole.
I thought I would start bleeding, but instead I could see ravioli filling the inside of my arm. It was moving around as if it was alive, but it turned my whole arm limp and mushy. I tried to grab the piece of skin before it disappeared into the ravioli, but I didn't get it.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Toy Scrounge
Dad and I were riding down an elevator at some casino, after winning some money. We were in the elevator with some other man in a business suit, and I was carrying my winnings in a cash drawer. As we were going down, the elevator quickly dropped a few floors - fast than it was supposed to, yet it slowed before we got to the ground floor.
We exited the elevator and made our way to this small K-mart-like store that was in the lobby of the hotel. Apparently I was supposed to work there, which is why I had my money in the cash drawer. Since I was gambling, I also had the little "lucky alien" that one of my friends gave me in that same drawer.
When I got to the counter, I tossed my drawer up onto it - but I threw it too hard and it smashed to the floor behind the counter. I figured that all of my money would be spilled out onto the floor, but only a few bills had actually come loose. However, my alien had disappeared, probably landing underneath the racks of stuff in one of the rows behind the counter.
The girl there told me to go look under the shelves, and when I did I started finding all kinds of forgotten little toys in the dirt and dust under the shelves. I started at the far end and worked my way backwards... snatching up all these toys as I went. I found my alien, but I also found other aliens that looked similar to mine. I also found a squishy brain toy, and a sticky/gummy snail toy. The shell was made of that sticky "wall waker" type material, and the body was made of the slimey "ooze" stuff that you can get out of those quarter machines.
As I was sticking all this stuff in my pockets, I was worried that they were going to catch me and I'd be in trouble for trying to steal these toys - but since they had obviously been underneath these shelves for a long time, I didn't want to leave them there.
We exited the elevator and made our way to this small K-mart-like store that was in the lobby of the hotel. Apparently I was supposed to work there, which is why I had my money in the cash drawer. Since I was gambling, I also had the little "lucky alien" that one of my friends gave me in that same drawer.
When I got to the counter, I tossed my drawer up onto it - but I threw it too hard and it smashed to the floor behind the counter. I figured that all of my money would be spilled out onto the floor, but only a few bills had actually come loose. However, my alien had disappeared, probably landing underneath the racks of stuff in one of the rows behind the counter.
The girl there told me to go look under the shelves, and when I did I started finding all kinds of forgotten little toys in the dirt and dust under the shelves. I started at the far end and worked my way backwards... snatching up all these toys as I went. I found my alien, but I also found other aliens that looked similar to mine. I also found a squishy brain toy, and a sticky/gummy snail toy. The shell was made of that sticky "wall waker" type material, and the body was made of the slimey "ooze" stuff that you can get out of those quarter machines.
As I was sticking all this stuff in my pockets, I was worried that they were going to catch me and I'd be in trouble for trying to steal these toys - but since they had obviously been underneath these shelves for a long time, I didn't want to leave them there.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Barbara Streisand?
I was sitting on a window ledge, on the third floor of an apartment building. I had my camera with me, and I was taking picture of the actions below. One of the neighbor girls was learning to drive, and I watched as she nearly drove her truck into a phone pole. She got out and looked up and smiled, as if she was proudly posing for a picture.
It was about that time that I realized that I was stuck out on this ledge, and I couldn't really turn around to come back in because there was a rail behind me that was only providing about 3 or 4 inches of ledge for me to sit on. If I turned to come back in, I'd slide off the edge and fall. I hollered for Genesee to come and hold on to my collar while I turned around, then I went inside.
Inside, I sat down at a booth in our kitchen. Before I realized it, Barbara Streisand snuck up behind me and cornered me. She was saying that I better get busy packing my stuff, because she had spoken with the landlord and was going to be moving in to my apartment very soon. She said that because I had already informed the landlord that I was looking for a new place, she decided to go ahead and kick me out early so Barbara could move in.
It was about that time that I realized that I was stuck out on this ledge, and I couldn't really turn around to come back in because there was a rail behind me that was only providing about 3 or 4 inches of ledge for me to sit on. If I turned to come back in, I'd slide off the edge and fall. I hollered for Genesee to come and hold on to my collar while I turned around, then I went inside.
Inside, I sat down at a booth in our kitchen. Before I realized it, Barbara Streisand snuck up behind me and cornered me. She was saying that I better get busy packing my stuff, because she had spoken with the landlord and was going to be moving in to my apartment very soon. She said that because I had already informed the landlord that I was looking for a new place, she decided to go ahead and kick me out early so Barbara could move in.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Squirtman Shakedown
Jim and I were in some bowling alley late at night, and he was supposed to shake down some guy that owed his boss some money. As we walked in, we noticed that nobody was bowling. Instead, they were all facing the opposite direction of the lanes, watching a movie being shown on the front wall.
Jim walked up to the guy and started telling him about how he needed to pay his boss the money, but the guy was obviously not scared by little Jim. He kept rolling his eyes, basically not paying any attention to anything that Jim was telling him. I saw that the message wasn't getting through to him, so I started playing "good cop" and began talking to him as well.
I told him that it had been a while since Jim had needed to kill anyone, but I'm sure that he wouldn't hesitate if his boss told him to do it. We got up to leave and headed towards the door, where I saw this girl that looked like Christina Ricci, wearing this 1950's looking dress. Some girl was walking with me out the door, and I shut the door after she walked out so I could tell the 50's girl how good she looked in her outfit.
She smiled and said thanks, and then headed out to the truck with me. Jim was driving this giant 4x4 truck with front and back seats, and we were parked right next to a yellow Lamborghini. Me and the new girl got in the back seat and we all headed on our way.
Jim walked up to the guy and started telling him about how he needed to pay his boss the money, but the guy was obviously not scared by little Jim. He kept rolling his eyes, basically not paying any attention to anything that Jim was telling him. I saw that the message wasn't getting through to him, so I started playing "good cop" and began talking to him as well.
I told him that it had been a while since Jim had needed to kill anyone, but I'm sure that he wouldn't hesitate if his boss told him to do it. We got up to leave and headed towards the door, where I saw this girl that looked like Christina Ricci, wearing this 1950's looking dress. Some girl was walking with me out the door, and I shut the door after she walked out so I could tell the 50's girl how good she looked in her outfit.
She smiled and said thanks, and then headed out to the truck with me. Jim was driving this giant 4x4 truck with front and back seats, and we were parked right next to a yellow Lamborghini. Me and the new girl got in the back seat and we all headed on our way.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Snow Boarding
I was out in some remote location, trying to teach myself how to snowboard. I was going uphill along some river, and was only able to scoot about 3 or 4 feet at a time, but then I figured out how to make my snowboard hover - and was able to go futher distances.
I ran into Ami Phillips along the way, and she was carrying a bunch of broken VCRs up the hill to her house. I tried to get her to let me help her with some of them, but she was very firm in that she could handle it. I got the feeling that she wouldn't let me help because she didn't want me to think that a woman couldn't handle it by herself.
I ran into Ami Phillips along the way, and she was carrying a bunch of broken VCRs up the hill to her house. I tried to get her to let me help her with some of them, but she was very firm in that she could handle it. I got the feeling that she wouldn't let me help because she didn't want me to think that a woman couldn't handle it by herself.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Car Stuff and Work
Mom and I were going camping out in some jungle somewhere, and she was driving the car while hauling a HUGE trailer stacked with firewood. We were deep in the jungle, when the road turned into this rickety looking stone bridge with no supports underneath. It was like this stone bridge had grown out of the walls along the edge of this cliff, and it twisted and curved over this big open river.
The rock bridge was barely wide enough for the car, and looked to be only a couple feet thick - so I told mom that I wasn't going to go across it with her. She drove on anyway, and after making it past a few curves, the wheels of the trailer slipped off the edge and it fell down into the valley below. Mom didn't even realize she lost it though, only saying "What was that?" after hearing the noise of the trailer and wood crashing to the ground far below.
I then came across a small house in the woods and went inside. As I entered the door I clocked in, with it apparently being the place where I worked. I got inside and found only a few of my coworkers sitting around a table. Nobody was working because most of the people had called off that day. No Tabatha, Ibra, Jamez, Larry, Tiffany, or Roger... so they had decided that they just couldn't work at all today. That was good, considering I wasn't allowed to work anyway. After a few hours I asked Lisa if I could just go home, since I wasn't supposed to be there anyway.
On my way home, it was now night, and I was driving down the sidewalks in Haydenville. There was road construction going on, so taking the sidewalks was the only option. I began picking up speed, since there was nothing in my way to slow me down - but when I got to an alley, my car hit the edge of the sidewalk and flew across the gap. When I landed all my tires went flat so I started walking.
As I was walking, I was taking inventory of all the construction equipment. Counting the cement mixers, trucks, and laser printers. (Laser printers?) There were other workers around now, but they didn't question what I was doing since I kept myself looking busy.
The rock bridge was barely wide enough for the car, and looked to be only a couple feet thick - so I told mom that I wasn't going to go across it with her. She drove on anyway, and after making it past a few curves, the wheels of the trailer slipped off the edge and it fell down into the valley below. Mom didn't even realize she lost it though, only saying "What was that?" after hearing the noise of the trailer and wood crashing to the ground far below.
I then came across a small house in the woods and went inside. As I entered the door I clocked in, with it apparently being the place where I worked. I got inside and found only a few of my coworkers sitting around a table. Nobody was working because most of the people had called off that day. No Tabatha, Ibra, Jamez, Larry, Tiffany, or Roger... so they had decided that they just couldn't work at all today. That was good, considering I wasn't allowed to work anyway. After a few hours I asked Lisa if I could just go home, since I wasn't supposed to be there anyway.
On my way home, it was now night, and I was driving down the sidewalks in Haydenville. There was road construction going on, so taking the sidewalks was the only option. I began picking up speed, since there was nothing in my way to slow me down - but when I got to an alley, my car hit the edge of the sidewalk and flew across the gap. When I landed all my tires went flat so I started walking.
As I was walking, I was taking inventory of all the construction equipment. Counting the cement mixers, trucks, and laser printers. (Laser printers?) There were other workers around now, but they didn't question what I was doing since I kept myself looking busy.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Iranian President
I was in the basement of Uncle Jay's house, and I was apparently being held there against my will by the president of Iran. He was out in the garage, in a makeshift office, and I was stuck in the stairway - kept there by little blue gumballs along the walls on the floor.
I got down on my hands and knees and began slowly approaching each of these little blue gumball traps, plucking the dark blue object off each one before it could alert anyone to my escape attempts. After getting past a few of them, he came in and saw what I was doing.
He laughed, noting that they weren't really motion detectors at all, and that he was impressed by my attempts to escape. I stood up and walked out into the garage with him and we started talking. He was expressing to me how frustrating it is that nobody takes him seriously, and that he was bothered by how his country was being ignored and neglected by the world.
We walked outside and he showed me the field next to the house, now damaged by some big flood. He said that he didn't mind that it happened, he just didn't like how nobody would step up and help them pay for or repair the damage.
I got down on my hands and knees and began slowly approaching each of these little blue gumball traps, plucking the dark blue object off each one before it could alert anyone to my escape attempts. After getting past a few of them, he came in and saw what I was doing.
He laughed, noting that they weren't really motion detectors at all, and that he was impressed by my attempts to escape. I stood up and walked out into the garage with him and we started talking. He was expressing to me how frustrating it is that nobody takes him seriously, and that he was bothered by how his country was being ignored and neglected by the world.
We walked outside and he showed me the field next to the house, now damaged by some big flood. He said that he didn't mind that it happened, he just didn't like how nobody would step up and help them pay for or repair the damage.
Flop House Girls
I was walking down a street in Lancaster when I came to the corner of 5th and High. I got a call on my cell phone from April, who was apparently right across the street at this gas station which had been turned into a flop house / day care center type place. I saw her, and she was smiling while she was giving me crap for not having gotten in touch with her lately.
I went in to this place and saw lots of people and kids hanging around. In one of the back rooms April and I ran into Angel, who was sitting on one of the couches. I sat down and started talking to her, not noticing that Ami was also laying on this couch underneath some blankets. When she popped out and made herself known, I started feeling weird that all these girls I once knew and hung out with all seemed to be in the same place at the same time.
I made some explanations about something, then made my way to the front door to leave. As I was going through the hallways, I passed lots of people standing in line to get someone's autograph... someone I didn't recognize. On my way out the door I saw another girl I once dated, sitting in the front room. She exclaimed... "You aren't doing anything today... why don't you let me come over and hit it?" *laugh* Apparently I wasn't interested, as I kept walking.
I went in to this place and saw lots of people and kids hanging around. In one of the back rooms April and I ran into Angel, who was sitting on one of the couches. I sat down and started talking to her, not noticing that Ami was also laying on this couch underneath some blankets. When she popped out and made herself known, I started feeling weird that all these girls I once knew and hung out with all seemed to be in the same place at the same time.
I made some explanations about something, then made my way to the front door to leave. As I was going through the hallways, I passed lots of people standing in line to get someone's autograph... someone I didn't recognize. On my way out the door I saw another girl I once dated, sitting in the front room. She exclaimed... "You aren't doing anything today... why don't you let me come over and hit it?" *laugh* Apparently I wasn't interested, as I kept walking.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Dish Chickens
Genesee came home from work and dumped a bunch of eggs into some lukewarm bathwater. Within a few seconds, little chickens began hatching from all of them. When they came out of their shells, they had little hats, shoes, and aprons on - and the climbed to the edge of the tub and began washing little dishes that we had placed there.
This was amusing, but I didn't think it was right for us to make these baby chickens clean tiny dishes for our amusement, so I scooted them all back into the water. They'd swim around on top for a minute, then they'd plunk themselves under for a few seconds and then repeat the process.
After they swam around a while, I pulled the plug to let the water and broken shells out of the tub. I didn't notice it at the time, but when the water and shells drasined out, so did the baby chickens. :-( I heard a "thump, thump, thump" as they all slid down the drain. I started running some more water down there, and they actually used it to start swimming back up the drain pipe and into the bathtub - but when they came out the top, they were all dead. (And they had turned into numbered birthday cake candles... 1, 4, 8, and 3.) Weird.
This was amusing, but I didn't think it was right for us to make these baby chickens clean tiny dishes for our amusement, so I scooted them all back into the water. They'd swim around on top for a minute, then they'd plunk themselves under for a few seconds and then repeat the process.
After they swam around a while, I pulled the plug to let the water and broken shells out of the tub. I didn't notice it at the time, but when the water and shells drasined out, so did the baby chickens. :-( I heard a "thump, thump, thump" as they all slid down the drain. I started running some more water down there, and they actually used it to start swimming back up the drain pipe and into the bathtub - but when they came out the top, they were all dead. (And they had turned into numbered birthday cake candles... 1, 4, 8, and 3.) Weird.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
HUGE Apartments
Jim (Squirtman) and I were in some downtown location at night, and looking for a new apartment. The first one we found was above some old factory building. We climbed a set of stairs to get to the roof of the building, where we walked across the tar-paper to get to the big brick apartments built on top.
As soon as we arrived we saw a family that appeared to be moving out of one of the units. We were handed the keys to apartment 272 and headed up several flights of stairs. When we got to that apartment, the family was out in the hallway - getting the rest of their stuff out. One woman grabbed me by the arm and told me to wait, but I went in to check the place out anyway.
Inside, the apartment was huge... the whole place had vaulted ceilings, with the first room being at least 30 or 40 feet wide/long. Everything was old looking and dark, almost like an old school building. The second room was almost as big, and then there was a third room towards the rear of the apartment that had a window that looked out over the city. An interesting feature about this apartment was the bathroom, which had three urinals and two stalls.
As we turned to head back out of the apartment, some sort of sports team came in through the front and headed towards us in the back. They started grabbing their coats and hockey gear, which was when Jim and I decided that this wouldn't be the best place to rent - and we left.
While walking back out to the truck, I mentioned how kewl it would be that my apartment would only be a few blocks from his house. At some point, Jim (Squirtman) turned into Jim, my cousin.
We didn't want to give up on this apartment building, so we went in again and went all the way to the top of the building to apartment 208. Upon getting to the top floor, we entered an area which was as big as a typical basketball arena. It was divided into apartment units by walls, that while very tall, did not reach all the way to the high ceiling. We walked down the long corridor to the end, where we found unit 208.
Upon opening the door we saw that 208 was the biggest of all the units on the top floor. It actually spanned the whole width of the building, and took up probably the last third of the basketball area sized area. Me and Jim knew this would be a good place for us... if we each set our sleeping areas at far sides of the building we wouldn't even see each other unless we wanted to. But the best thing about this "apartment" was the huge open area right as you walk in. We immediately thought of how we could have big parties or have people rollerskating or whatever. There was even a balcony in the rear of the area that overlooked all of the space of the unit.
My only concern was the walls. I was thinking that people might find some way to scale the walls between the units, since they didn't reach the ceiling - but then I figured that if I set my webcams up as a security system, we'd be fine.
As soon as we arrived we saw a family that appeared to be moving out of one of the units. We were handed the keys to apartment 272 and headed up several flights of stairs. When we got to that apartment, the family was out in the hallway - getting the rest of their stuff out. One woman grabbed me by the arm and told me to wait, but I went in to check the place out anyway.
Inside, the apartment was huge... the whole place had vaulted ceilings, with the first room being at least 30 or 40 feet wide/long. Everything was old looking and dark, almost like an old school building. The second room was almost as big, and then there was a third room towards the rear of the apartment that had a window that looked out over the city. An interesting feature about this apartment was the bathroom, which had three urinals and two stalls.
As we turned to head back out of the apartment, some sort of sports team came in through the front and headed towards us in the back. They started grabbing their coats and hockey gear, which was when Jim and I decided that this wouldn't be the best place to rent - and we left.
While walking back out to the truck, I mentioned how kewl it would be that my apartment would only be a few blocks from his house. At some point, Jim (Squirtman) turned into Jim, my cousin.
We didn't want to give up on this apartment building, so we went in again and went all the way to the top of the building to apartment 208. Upon getting to the top floor, we entered an area which was as big as a typical basketball arena. It was divided into apartment units by walls, that while very tall, did not reach all the way to the high ceiling. We walked down the long corridor to the end, where we found unit 208.
Upon opening the door we saw that 208 was the biggest of all the units on the top floor. It actually spanned the whole width of the building, and took up probably the last third of the basketball area sized area. Me and Jim knew this would be a good place for us... if we each set our sleeping areas at far sides of the building we wouldn't even see each other unless we wanted to. But the best thing about this "apartment" was the huge open area right as you walk in. We immediately thought of how we could have big parties or have people rollerskating or whatever. There was even a balcony in the rear of the area that overlooked all of the space of the unit.
My only concern was the walls. I was thinking that people might find some way to scale the walls between the units, since they didn't reach the ceiling - but then I figured that if I set my webcams up as a security system, we'd be fine.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Lost On The Way To The Thrift Store
I was heading to the thrift store in downtown Lancaster, and I took a shortcut down a back alley. I was riding a bicycle, but the seat/pedals/handlebars were extended way up in there air - probably about 15 feet tall. So, I'm riding high on my bike in this alley when I realized I had taken a wrong turn. I was now behind a bunch of buildings where there was lots of trash and piles of crap in the alley.
I started to hop down to see what all the stuff was, when I noticed a couple of kids on their normal bikes, laughing at me and my bike. I climbed down, because I felt like a doofus, and the kids came over and talked to me. Apparently they were kids that I knew, because I went to their house with them and went inside.
Their whole family was there, and I started helping them with some house remodeling that they were doing. I helped the mom pull out a stove from the wall so she could clean, and then moved it back into place when she was done - but I broke off a piece of the drawer on the stove (?) when I plopped it down. She wasn't mad.
The dad was sitting and watching TV, so I went in and joined him for a few minutes. While we were sitting there, a bunch of cheerleaders came up to the front door and started knocking. One of them was riding a horse. I yelled to one of the kids that their friends were there, and nobody seemed surpised that they had a horse on the front porch.
I started to hop down to see what all the stuff was, when I noticed a couple of kids on their normal bikes, laughing at me and my bike. I climbed down, because I felt like a doofus, and the kids came over and talked to me. Apparently they were kids that I knew, because I went to their house with them and went inside.
Their whole family was there, and I started helping them with some house remodeling that they were doing. I helped the mom pull out a stove from the wall so she could clean, and then moved it back into place when she was done - but I broke off a piece of the drawer on the stove (?) when I plopped it down. She wasn't mad.
The dad was sitting and watching TV, so I went in and joined him for a few minutes. While we were sitting there, a bunch of cheerleaders came up to the front door and started knocking. One of them was riding a horse. I yelled to one of the kids that their friends were there, and nobody seemed surpised that they had a horse on the front porch.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Buried Coins
I was walking through an abandoned town with Barb from work... I'm not sure why, but we were walking through this dried up lakebed looking for MP3s. I said that we wouldn't have any luck, since all the water had drained. As we continued, she pointed out some basketballs that were stuck in the mud - saying that I could take those instead.
She continued on and into some old houses, and I stopped at a place that had a garage outside of it. There were other people in the area now, and they looked to be doing some sort of clean-up / restoration on the land and buildings. I went into the garage and started looking for things to clean.
I went to the edge of this old garage where it attached to a crumbling old brick house. Someone had already removed all the flooring and carpet, so all that was left was a mud floor. Since there was nothing for me to work on there, I decided to look in the mud to see if anyone had lost any money or anything.
First I found a small stack of quarters and nickels pressed into the mud. I could tell they were old, but they were still "regular" change. I got excited, finding this few dollars in change, because I knew that nobody had looked over this area yet. I continued digging in the mud near the door...
After finding a handful of regular change, I started seeing bigger coins further in the mud. I started pulling them out... old silver dollars. The first several were muddy, but then I got further down and started pulling out stacks and stacks of loose shiny silver and gold dollars. I started putting them on the table, in little plastic shopping bags. The bags would get so heavy with gold and silver that they'd start to tear and I'd have to wrap them in paper too.
I started getting nervous that someone was going to come in and see me, because by this time I had gotten many thousands of dollars worth of coins out of the ground. People were walking by the garage, but luckily they never came in. I grabbed my bags of gold and silver and headed to a bank next door. I asked a man in a suit "How much is this coin worth?" and gave him one, not leading on that I had many more.
He quickly said "$600" and then said "Office." I followed him into his private office, and he told me that bankers have a policy, and there is a different price he'd pay for the coins if it was an "ask no questions" type of sale. I smiled and told him "That's good, because I have lots and LOTs of these things."
She continued on and into some old houses, and I stopped at a place that had a garage outside of it. There were other people in the area now, and they looked to be doing some sort of clean-up / restoration on the land and buildings. I went into the garage and started looking for things to clean.
I went to the edge of this old garage where it attached to a crumbling old brick house. Someone had already removed all the flooring and carpet, so all that was left was a mud floor. Since there was nothing for me to work on there, I decided to look in the mud to see if anyone had lost any money or anything.
First I found a small stack of quarters and nickels pressed into the mud. I could tell they were old, but they were still "regular" change. I got excited, finding this few dollars in change, because I knew that nobody had looked over this area yet. I continued digging in the mud near the door...
After finding a handful of regular change, I started seeing bigger coins further in the mud. I started pulling them out... old silver dollars. The first several were muddy, but then I got further down and started pulling out stacks and stacks of loose shiny silver and gold dollars. I started putting them on the table, in little plastic shopping bags. The bags would get so heavy with gold and silver that they'd start to tear and I'd have to wrap them in paper too.
I started getting nervous that someone was going to come in and see me, because by this time I had gotten many thousands of dollars worth of coins out of the ground. People were walking by the garage, but luckily they never came in. I grabbed my bags of gold and silver and headed to a bank next door. I asked a man in a suit "How much is this coin worth?" and gave him one, not leading on that I had many more.
He quickly said "$600" and then said "Office." I followed him into his private office, and he told me that bankers have a policy, and there is a different price he'd pay for the coins if it was an "ask no questions" type of sale. I smiled and told him "That's good, because I have lots and LOTs of these things."
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
What The Hell?
I was sleeping on the floor of the living room out at the old house on Bauman Hill. Mom was asleep on the couch, when some kids came over that she was supposed to babysit. Three of them... two girls, one boy... and the boy only had one arm. They came right in, so I woke mom to let her know they were here - then I snuck upstairs to hide before their parents came in.
When I got upstairs I had two water guns in my hand... I snuck towards the bedroom and saw April's son standing at the bedroom door with his back towards me. I snuck up and shot him with the squirt gun. I went back downstairs to make sure mom got up, but when I got down there everyone was gone... and it was now night.
I walked up the icy road to Uncle Jay's, and found mom trying to sneak away. She was driving a big pick-up truck, but she didn't have it on... she was pushing it towards the end of the driveway with the engine off as if she didn't want anyone to know she was leaving.
I went back to our house and went in through the front porch, and all the kids were there again, along with a couple other older people that I didn't know. I shuffled most of them out the door, but while they were holding the front door open I was worried that Kitty was going to get out. Mongo was there, and he said that Kitty hadn't gotten out - but some other kitties had gotten in.
I looked under the futon and there were dozens of cats, all mad and frantic, not wanting to be inside... gray cats, black cats, and some cats that almost looked like Kitty. I even stopped one on its way out the door because I thought it was Kitty. Once they were all out there was just one animal left under the futon.
This little wrinkly puppy grabbed ahold of my arm and wouldn't let go. I lifted my arm (and the dog) into the air and shook it... it still wouldn't come off my arm. I then noticed that he had maggots and tomatoes all over the bottom of him. I started freaking out because this gross dog was attached to my arm.
I started peeling his paws back off my arm, and they folded like soft tortilla on a burrito... in fact, the more I shook him, the more burrito type stuff fell off/out of him. I kept shaking and shaking, eventually he started decomposing on my arm - turning into a pile of goo at the base of the futon, full of burrito ingredients.
When I got upstairs I had two water guns in my hand... I snuck towards the bedroom and saw April's son standing at the bedroom door with his back towards me. I snuck up and shot him with the squirt gun. I went back downstairs to make sure mom got up, but when I got down there everyone was gone... and it was now night.
I walked up the icy road to Uncle Jay's, and found mom trying to sneak away. She was driving a big pick-up truck, but she didn't have it on... she was pushing it towards the end of the driveway with the engine off as if she didn't want anyone to know she was leaving.
I went back to our house and went in through the front porch, and all the kids were there again, along with a couple other older people that I didn't know. I shuffled most of them out the door, but while they were holding the front door open I was worried that Kitty was going to get out. Mongo was there, and he said that Kitty hadn't gotten out - but some other kitties had gotten in.
I looked under the futon and there were dozens of cats, all mad and frantic, not wanting to be inside... gray cats, black cats, and some cats that almost looked like Kitty. I even stopped one on its way out the door because I thought it was Kitty. Once they were all out there was just one animal left under the futon.
This little wrinkly puppy grabbed ahold of my arm and wouldn't let go. I lifted my arm (and the dog) into the air and shook it... it still wouldn't come off my arm. I then noticed that he had maggots and tomatoes all over the bottom of him. I started freaking out because this gross dog was attached to my arm.
I started peeling his paws back off my arm, and they folded like soft tortilla on a burrito... in fact, the more I shook him, the more burrito type stuff fell off/out of him. I kept shaking and shaking, eventually he started decomposing on my arm - turning into a pile of goo at the base of the futon, full of burrito ingredients.
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