Burning Biscuit Clown Attack

I was standing on the porch of our old house on Hubert Ave. I could hear the phone ringing in one of the nearby houses, and I also noticed the smell of smoke in the air. I walked over to the house where the phone was ringing, and I saw that on the front porch there was an unattended grill, cooking biscuits that were burnt and almost ready to catch fire.

I banged on the screen door of the porch, but nobody would answer. The phone continued to ring, so I assumed that either nobody was home - or someone was inside hurt. I went ahead and opened the screen door and went onto the porch to turn off the grill and pour water on the biscuits. Just as I did that, a big fat man came lumbering out of the house and onto the porch... yelling at me about breaking into his house. I hurried back outside, trying to explain how I had only gone into his porch in order to keep his house from catching fire - but he wasn't interested in hearing that.

I was trying to hurry back to our house, and as I looked back at the fat man's house, I saw an evil clown looking out of the bedroow window at me. It was yelling and chanting something... but I wasn't able to tell what, since I was hurrying to get away. I made it to our back steps, but I could hear that the clown had come out of the fat man's house and was making his way over to ours. It was yelling and chanting the whole way.

It cornered me at the top of the stairs near the back door, and despite my knocking to get in - nobody would unlock it for me. The clown started to come up the stairs to get me, but luckily I was able to keep kicking it in the face every time that it got high enough that its head was level with my foot. I did this repeatedly until its whole face (I'm talking the actual face, not just the clown makeup) finally got smeared away by the continued kicking.

Flying Saucer Reunion

I was at some sort of reunion event for the television show "Married with Children." It was being held somewhere in the country, but close to a small shopping mall. There were lots of people out on a large lawn, everyone sharing their stories about the show. I was talking to the woman that played Marcy, and we were complaining about how Christina Applegate was "too good to come" to the event.

As we were talking, a large UFO flew above us, very low to the ground. At first we thought it was just a stunt that the event coordinators were doing, but then I realized that it was indeed a real flying saucer. The sun was beginning to set, so it was getting a little dark, but I jumped in my car and followed this UFO to the strip mall next door.

I hopped out and quickly grabbed my digital camera. The autofocus wasn't working well, because I was hurrying to take the pictures - and the UFO was pretty far away and it was dark out. I managed to snap maybe a dozen pictures before the spaceship started to fly away. As I was taking pictures, I noticed two women that were aiming some sort of blue light device at me. It turns out that these women were working for the aliens, and their device was erasing my digital camera every time they shot the device at me. Once I realized this, I began chasing them into a store - taking pictures the whole way.

Once I followed them into the entryway of this store, I realized that the UFO ( which was now barely the size of a frisbee ) had also come into the enclosed area. I quickly slammed the doors shut on the store, effectively locking this "UFO" in the entry area. Sadly, I then noticed that the "UFO" was nothing more than a paper plate with a large flying bug underneath of it. The real UFO had used this as a tactic to distract me, and it had flown away without me getting a single picture of it.